Say It Ain't So, Jimbo!

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Say It Ain't So, Jimbo!
by J. Edward Tremlett

April 16, 2002

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett Politics seems to have an unwritten rule that while what goes on around it might be intensely exciting, the actual nuts and bolts of the machine are as boring as hell. Everyone loves a debate over high-stakes policy, but watching hour after hour of different talking heads saying the exact same things as their colleagues gets turgid enough to make you want to rearrange your sock drawer, instead.

Convicetd Rep. James Traficant (D-OH) (AP) That's why, for better or worse, I've always been glad of James Traficant (right), the Democratic Representative for Ohio's 17th District. Since 1984, Traficant's been a voice of uncompromising independence in the House. He's brought passion, fire and humor to otherwise dull and boring proceedings. With frequent calls to "Beam me up" at what he perceives as absurdities, his one-minute speeches are the stuff of legend. And, if his time in office is any indication, his constituents seem to agree.

That's not to say I'm a completely forgiving fan. Traficant doesn't always make what I would consider to be the best decisions, or hold the most likable of opinions. But you can at least count on those ideas and opinions to be heartfelt and all his own - and colorfully explained and expounded upon to boot. In an endless sea of conformity and "on message" wonkism, he's a man of principle and ideals.

And he's also waist-deep in the big muddy, having been possibly outed as a criminal and facing more than 60 years in jail. Was our hero just another hypocrite all along?

Last May 4th, a 10-count Indictment from a Grand Jury in Cleveland was handed down right on Traficant's funny hairdo. He was accused of bribery, tax evasion, obstruction of justice, seeking bribes, conspiracy to defraud the government and racketeering.

And just a short while ago, after a flamboyant and obscenity-laced trial that verged from comical to tragic, James Traficant was found guilty of all charges. Not only does he face jail time and fines as a result, but might be expelled from the House if certain Representatives have their way.

Now, this wasn't just some minor thing; Some of the charges' details were pretty bad. According to the indictment, Traficant was accepting gifts and bribes from local businessmen, including a known felon, in exchange for getting them in good with state and federal agencies. He was also requiring his office help to bale hay on his farm and give him back so much of their monthly salary, destroy tax evidence, lie on his behalf... quite a crawful, all in all.

When charged, Traficant was in full-on battle mode, defiant as ever: he claimed he was completely innocent. He said this was a big-power payback for his actions as a Representative - such as voting for Dennis Hastert for Speaker of the House (which lost him his Committee assignments) and getting the IRS to take the burden of proof rather than the taxpayer. And he declared that the IRS, the mob, Chinese Communists and any number of other favorite bogeymen were ganging up to get him.

Was he right? Who knows. Sometimes life really IS like the 'X-Files,' minus commercial interruption.

But Traficant screwed up, to put it bluntly. He forgot the old adage that a man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client, and prepared to defend himself in court. "The U.S. attorney better defeat me," he snarled: "Because if they don't, they will be working in Yeehaw Junction."

Longtime Ohio criminal defense lawyer (and former Democratic Party Chairman of Mahoning County) Don Hanni called Traficant's self-defense his biggest mistake: "It was a defendable case and he blew it."

Now, you could forgive Traficant's impertinence. Back in 1983, when he was Sheriff of Mahoning County, he successfully defended himself against a federal indictment for bribery. Somehow, despite his not being a lawyer, he was able to pull it off, and he seemed to think he could repeat his performance.

"I'm going to look them right in the eye and go at them," he said in February: "I'm just the son of a truck driver, and I'm going to try and kick their ass."

But he didn't. Of course, Traficant was defiant in defeat, too. He said he didn't regret the decision to defend himself; The trial was "fixed," after all, so had he hired a lawyer he would have spent a lot of money just to get the same result.

He is planning to appeal, and chances are good that he'll be defending himself once again. Asked about Traficant's chances of getting a lawyer and winning that appeal, Hanni said "Jim's so tight he throws dollar bills around like they're manhole covers ... penalty-wise the fines and the forfeiture hurt him more than going to jail. But he'll never pay for a lawyer."

Which means that, save divine intervention, Jim Traficant will probably be going to the pokey for a stretch. And that'll really be a shame - especially when you consider how Traficant's railed against corruption in high places his entire political career, even though some of his targets might have been a little "out there."

It will be a sad, sad day if and when James Traficant is well and truly revealed to be just another crook. Not only will we lose a beacon of individuality and self-determination - however odd - in the House, but we'll be losing the only real reason to sit and watch C-Span for any length of time.

But that's not nearly the only "tragedy" revealed, here...

You might remember, some time before September 11th dominated our attention, a certain Democratic Representative from California by the name of Gary Condit was also in a lot of hot water. If you really think back, you might remember why. Her name was Chandra Levy. Remember her?

Well, the voters in Condit's district didn't forget when the Primary rolled around, and Gary Condit is now Gary "Gone"dit. But throughout the whole debacle, even when it was pretty clear that if he didn't have anything to do with their disappearance, he wasn't being completely honest, either, House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt stood by Condit. In fact, he stood by him all the way up until Condit's ill-advised TV interview with Connie Chung last August made him impossible to back; Prior to that, he was calling Condit a "man of honor."

Now that's not to say that Condit's lying, or being less than completely forthcoming, is better or worse than Traficant's litany of charges. Technically, both men deserve(d) official censure. But why was Dick Gephardt so willing to extend trust and sympathy for so damn long to Gary Condit - who was stalling a missing person case that could become a homicide investigation - but so quick to suggest that Traficant should step down over lying and kickbacks (the Congressional crimes of choice) before the appeals process can kick in ...?

Beam me up, indeed. ***

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

“Gephardt has no balls. He can go f@#$ himself!” - Rep James Traficant on Dick Gephardt's calls for his resignation (soon to be part of an "unofficial" GOP campaign near you...?)

Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files
Photo of Rep. James Traficant (D-OH) courtesy of the Associated Press