The Walking Wounded

The Walking Wounded
by Michael Coren, Columnist, Sun Media

May 8, 2003

Contributor Michael Coren I think those of us who have something of a public platform have a responsibility to admit our vulnerabilities. Because, in so doing, we might be able to help to normalize behaviour that is sometimes assumed to be strange and weak. So here goes ...

I'm one of those people who take SSRIs. Selective Seretonin Reuptake Inhibitors. The most famous is Prozac. I take Paxil, others take Celexa or Zoloft or one of a whole group in the family.

Which probably puts me in that category of people who have suffered minor mental health problems. Yes, I know, certain editors and readers are saying they've thought that for a very long time.

Now I want to make it quite clear I'm not pushing these things on anybody, and I've read all of the Internet theories about side effects and dangers. Indeed, there can be side effects, but taken as a whole these are clean and good drugs that have done enormous good to people who were previously unable to lead happy and healthy lives.

The science behind them is not really the issue here. They are primarily anti-depressants but also work on stress and anxiety.

My problem was stress. Which was something I denied for the longest time. First came the chest pains, then the nausea, the tightening around the neck, the waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air, the feeling of doom, the muscle spasms.

For almost a year I had every test you can imagine, where various doctors told me I was in perfect shape, had the heart of an athlete and so on. It got to the point where I almost wanted someone to tell me I had a major ailment. At least I'd know what to do. I went so far as to take out $1 million in life insurance because obviously these quacks had no idea.

I'd never been ill in my life. Never stayed a night in hospital. Seldom went to a doctor or took even a headache pill.

My own doctor, a wise and compassionate man, suggested stress early on.

"Oh come on. I'm a working-class hero, the opposite of some urban neurotic. I'm carefree and strong, have a wonderful wife and terrific kids."

But it was dreadful. I survived on four hours sleep a night, prayed and begged for some relief. It became pathetic. I would feel physically sick when I tried to play with my children. Which in turn set off a profound sadness. Depression? Not really. Though I have in my time experienced a day or two of that. Truly a glimpse into hell.

So I was virtually forced to try Paxil. Within two weeks, I was symptom-free and I stayed on the drug for more than a year. Five years later, the symptoms began to return. I think my dad's death had something to do with it. I found it tougher to go on the drugs this time and they don't work as well. But they do work.

They're not for everybody, perhaps, but shame on those who marginalize the millions who rely on such drugs to make it through the day. The walking wounded if you like. Like so many of you reading this now. I guarantee that if you're not ill yourself, you know someone who takes such medication, even if you're unaware of it.

There should be no stigma. Just like a diabetic has to take insulin, there are people who require some chemical help in their emotional and mental life. It doesn't make someone crazy, soft or odd. In fact, it takes a certain courage to admit help is needed.

Please don't e-mail me with alternative remedies and the like - I've tried them, done it. Exercise, diet, relaxation. All vital. But often that isn't enough. I've seen people with severe depression whose life has been lived at the bottom of a dark, deep hole. Suddenly, the light has shone down and they've seen the ladder.

If little pills produced by major pharmaceutical companies have achieved that, God bless them. It's impossible to know what it can be like unless you've been there. And when you've been there, you'll be mighty grateful to the person who pulls you out. ***

Michael Coren is a Toronto-based writer and broadcaster. He can be emailed at info@michaelcoren.com and his web site is michaelcoren.com.

Photo of the author courtesy of his web site