You Can Call Me "AL"

You Can Call Me “AL”
by Mike Madias, Clinical Sociologist and Columnist

July 28, 2003

Columnist Mike Madias They used to tell me I was building a dream,
And so I followed the mob.
When there was earth to plow or guns to bear
I was always there- right on the job.
They used to tell me I was building a dream,
With peace and glory ahead.
So, why should I be standing in line
Just waiting for bread?”
- “Brother, can you spare a dime?” lyrics by Edgar “Yip” Harburg
(first recorded by Bing Crosby on October 25, 1932)
= = =
As I write this for the Partisan, it is 73 degrees and breezy outside my window in downtown Detroit. But it is 114 in the shade in Baghdad. I think that somewhere (along the chain of authority between the command of the Army’s 300th Military Police Company in Baghdad and the Commander in Chief in the White House), somebody doesn’t give a damn.

I noticed a story that originated in the News Journal, published out of Wilmington, Delaware. It was picked up by the Associated Press and United Press International. It was about a mother’s efforts to support her son who is serving in Iraq. It had gotten coverage on Fox News and in the Washington Times.

Mrs. Frankie Mayo, mother of Cpl. Christopher Tomlinson, of the Army’s 300th Military Police Company got am e-mail from her son serving in Iraq. Tomlinson complained about the heat in his tent. It was a steamy 145 degrees on the day that he sent the email.

Mrs. Mayo, and her husband Matthew Mayo, bought their son an air conditioner from the local Home Depot in Bear, Delaware.

Unfortunately the air conditioner would not work under what is left of the Iraqi power grid. Mrs. Mayo got the Marathon Electric Company, from Wisconsin to contribute transformers, so that there was a bridge between Iraqi electricity and the Home Depot air conditioner. After that, the 300th Military Police Company in Baghdad could cool down.

Mrs. Mayo got a letter of appreciation from her son’s commander, First Sergeant Anthony Hallenbeck. But Hallenbeck added that troops also need other supplies such as: baby wipes; talcum powder; shaving cream; toothpaste; shampoo; deodorant; mosquito repellent; beef jerky; foot powder; nuts; tampons; Gatorade; candy and gum.

So, this week, Mrs. Mayo formed a nonprofit organization called “Operation Air Conditioner” to buy all this stuff from big box outlets and convenience stores in Delaware and to have it shipped to Iraq by UPS. It’s a nice human interest story. But it must also have some kind of political subtext because it was printed in outlets that tend to support the GOP. In fact, Ed Gillespie, a senior advisor in the Republican National Committee, distributed a link to the Operation Air Conditioner website in a newsletter to local Republican Party grassroots activists under the heading, “What else can I do to help President Bush’s Agenda as a [local GOP] Team Leader?”.

This got me thinking.

1) The U.S. Army pays for equipment to protect soldiers from chemical and biological attack by all of those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. Shouldn’t it also be buying equipment to protect our grunts from the heat of the Iraqi summer?

- Shouldn’t the DOD be buying those air conditioners and transformers?
- Why does it take a mother to do what the Army should be doing?
- What does this say about the Army’s intelligence? (Perhaps they could not connect the dots and anticipated that it might be very hot in Iraq during
the summer months.)

2) Isn’t it a concern to the DOD that grunts brush their teeth; wipe themselves; wash the sand lice out of their hair; deal with body odor, and prevent ambush from foot funguses? Should women soldiers face a shortage of tampons? If the administration cares so much for the poor in America; that it pushed through a massive tax cut that will eventually do good for the economy, shouldn’t it also provide, Gatorade, bubble gum, candy and beef jerky to our grunts?

Maybe the Army does provide all these goodies along with its MREs (Meals Ready to Eat). But according to First Sergeant Anthony Hallenbeck, of the Army’s 300th Military Police Company, the goodies are not making it to the guys. According to the latest data released on the Operation AC web site; the Playtex Corporation will soon start sending complimentary tampons to the soldiers. But the Avon corporation and Happy Harry’s chain of convenience stores are holding out on the rest of the stuff. Happy Harry and the Avon Lady are not supporting our troops in this, America’s hour of need.

So to hell with the Avon Lady and to hell with Happy Harry. I for one am boycotting both, for their blatant lack of patriotism. I hate un-American cosmetic companies and slurpie outlets. You should too.

If you want to see that our guys have cool comfort, beef jerky and soft drinks to enjoy as they face guerilla ambushes from fedayeen in Baghdad, you should call the Operation Air Conditioning Hotline at 302-836-1008. Remember contributions of over $250 may be deductible from your federal income taxes.

Or, you might call the Defense Department, your senator and congressperson, your favorite presidential hopeful and ask them why the Army acts as though they do not care about the every day needs and comforts of the grunts. You might consider supporting a change of leadership somewhere along the chain of authority between the command of the Army’s 300th Military Police Company and the Commander in Chief of the United States. Somebody just doesn’t give
a damn. ***

“Once in khaki suits, gee we looked swell;
Full of that Yankee-Doodly-dum.
Half a million boots went sloggin’ through Hell,
And I was the kid with the drum.
Say, don’t you remember, they called me “AL.”
They called me “Al” all the time.
Say, don’t you remember. I am your pal.
Buddy, can you spare me a dime.”

Shalom,

Mike

Good night and may God be with the grunts, everywhere. ***

Photo of Mike Madias courtesy of the author

A clinical sociologist living in the Metropolitan Detroit area, Mike's work has appeared in The Detroit News. He may be reached by e-mail at DetroitHardball@hotmail.com.