Gifts for GOOD GUYS

Gifts for GOOD GUYS
by Mike Madias, Clinical Sociologist and Columnist

"Slice-o-Life"

December 4, 2003

Columnist Mike Madias Around this time of year, I get catalogues in the mail. But because I write about the war, and because my name gets placed on a number of extraordinary mailing lists, I get catalogues for military equipment. So if I want to deck the halls in desert camo (fa la la la la, lala, lala) I am all set.

The most impressive of these catalogues is from a company called Brigade Quartermasters (BQM) of Kennesaw, GA. This company has it's own designer label apparel and armament called "Action Gear."

This company has been prudent enough to trademark the phrase "GOOD GUYS." So the rest of us folks who are merely cool guys, or decent guys, or anyone who might be a GOOD WOMAN are safe but anyone claiming to be a good guy is in danger of being sued for trademark infringement. BQM has this as it's mission statement: Deliver the goods to the GOOD GUYS."

So let it be known that BQM considers that your own friend, sometimes called the Detroit Hardball, is a GOOD GUY. And BQM fully intends to deliver the goods to me. If you did not get this catalogue in the mail, it may be because your morals are lacking and you are not a GOOD GUY, like I am.

(As Pulitzer prize winning journalist Dave Barry would say; I am not making any of this up.) Here are some of the things BQM is willing to deliver to me.

1. The Cargo Tie - #BMDO8 This handsome cravat in a classic woodland camo pattern has pockets for a folding knife, cigarette lighter, pen, and eyeglasses. It has a pocket for business cards. It also has a Beverage Management Device (BMD) that allows the GOOD GUY to mount an open can of beer and drink it "hands free" from a straw. And the Cargo Tie also features the exclusive, fully adjustable Velcro ® mounting system that eliminates the need to attempt a Windsor knot on the necktie. Only $19.99

2, Armed Forces Bobble Heads and Mini Bobble Head Armed Forced Figures - #BDH01 and #BHD02. These patriotic figures are hand painted and hand crafted by the Bobble Dreams corporation. From the catalogue comes this description: "Need a boost? Just nudge the Bobble Head on his forehead and he will agree with whatever you say! . . . endlessly amusing and a great way to support the serviceman in your life.". The dolls come in several styles including Army Ranger; Navy SEALs; 101st Airborne; and Special Forces. Only 14.99 for full sized bobbling war dawg or $6.99 for the mini edition.

3. Items from the BQM GOOD GUY Vitamin Shop featuring #VL3898 MONSTER STACK PACK - "NOW YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL . . . in one awesome product!" This powerful nutritional supplement helps increase testosterone production; nortestosterone production; igf-1/ growth hormone levels; creatine levels and "Energy-PLUS' prostate support complex. Only $24.95. Of course, when you use the MONSTER STACK PACK, you are likely to have your "five o'clock shadow" sometime around two in the afternoon.

An important aside to all of my readers:

One matter of note. The United States military does not issue certain items to its troops. For example, my friends at Operation Air Conditioner, who see to it that some of the comforts of life, (like air conditioners) get sent as gifts to the men and women serving in Iraq, tell me that the soldiers need extra pairs of socks and space heaters. The Army does issue socks, but extra pairs are considered a "personal item" and must be purchased by the soldier out of his combat pay.

I was informed by a Sergeant in the Military Police, outside of Baghdad that many items are available for purchase at Army/Air Force exchanges. Though the activists at Operation Air Conditioner tell me that sometimes personal items are in short supply.

And sometimes our men and women can't afford to buy them. A report in the Associated press (November 13, 2003) had this lead: "National Guard soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan are also battling with their own government over long delays and widespread errors in their paychecks, according to congressional auditors. The General Accounting Office says in a study to be released Thursday that some activated Army National Guard soldiers saw delays of up to three months in their pay while others were overpaid an average of $48,000 and told later they had to pay it back."

The story goes on to say, "injured solders were denied active duty pay and medical benefits. A majority of Guard members in a California military police unit saw three-month delays in their pay . . . [this has had] a profound financial impact on individual soldiers and their families."

The Department of Defense announced that while we are scheduled to cease being an "occupying force" by June of next year, we are likely to be a "military presence" in Iraq until 2006.

Hopefully over the next three years the pay glitches will have been resolved and the guys can go to the exchange and buy their own space heaters.

Till then my readers should go to this web site - http://www.operationac.com/ - and help our best and bravest face the Iraqi winter.

"It is my hope that we make their existence in Iraq during their deployment as safe and as easy on them as possible given the job they are there to do. Rested Soldiers are more alert and able to perform their duty SAFELY!" said Frankie Mayo, founder of OperationAC.

shalom

Mike

And good night Mr. Rumsfeld, wherever you are. ***

Photo of Mike Madias courtesy of the author

A clinical sociologist living in the Metropolitan Detroit area, Mike's work has appeared in The Detroit News. He may be reached by e-mail at DetroitHardball@hotmail.com.