Do-be-do-be-do

Do-be-do-be-do
by Karen Beth Pike, Columnist

"Taking Care"

December 4, 2003

As the holiday season approaches, I see the masses preparing for a Thanksgiving devoid of giving thanks and a Christmas devoid of Christ. I notice that the holiday displays are coming out earlier and earlier so that people have time to prepare an ever more elaborate display of lights and decorations. It makes me wonder what else is going on in their lives. I sense a quiet desperation in the frantic preparations and very little joy in the event itself. Most people in society today have become human "do-ings" rather than the human beings we are supposed to be.

Consider for a moment what you are planning for this Thanksgiving weekend. Are you going to the events because you enjoy them or because you feel obligated to? In my views on this phenomenon - it has become a rushed "must-be-cheery" series of events where the family scripts are read and the fights begin shortly after the meal is served - if we are lucky. Perhaps this isn't the routine in all families, but it seems to be pretty common amongst people that I am acquainted with. Once the squabbling ends, the factions split into football games and the cleaning up crew. Rather than being together, it seems that there is a sense of relief in escaping one another's presence. Is that what we really wanted when we talk about family togetherness?

What would happen if you decided not to do all of the traditional things on this holiday season? Would you be ostracized? Maybe… but would it be worth it to you to try something new, even one small thing? What do you want to do this holiday season - are there things that you feel are missing in your life during this time of celebration? Celebrations are supposed to be fun, to be an expression of who you are and what you are grateful for in your life. They are not meant to be another ceaseless grind of mindless activity designed to impress people that you may not even care much about. Discover who you are and perhaps even do some meditation on what kind of human being you are and what you would like to become.

Think about what you love about each of these holidays and be sure to do those things, and do them very well, become fully involved with those delightful and wonderful things that you absolutely love about each of the holidays. Let the rest of the things go, the obligations, the duties and the things you don't enjoy. Fill up your life with the things you love - your family, your friends and your relationships. Those are the only things that will really matter in the end. Not the extra batch of cookies that no one really needs anyway. Not the lavish gift that you really can't afford. Take the time to be in your celebration; don't let it spin away out of control for the sake of tradition. Simplify the holiday meals, turn off the television and rebuild the relationships while you are all together. Remember the conversations, the times spent just being together, being able to be yourself rather than trying to be the super-host or hostess. Let these people who are so important in your life know how much you care about them - tell them, or better yet, show them!

In all the rush and flutter going on around you, there will be a secret smile in your soul when you know that you have chosen the things that matter rather than the vacuous herd mentality that is so prevalent in our society today. There is great liberation in the decision not to put up the lights on the house if you just hate doing that. Skip the company party if it is really a drunken bash that you don't much enjoy anyway. Spend those times with your family instead; doing something together that helps you become a better and more close-knit family. That might be going out to sing Christmas carols with some friends - it costs nothing but time, and brings great cheer to those that are touched with this kindness. Help the kids build a snow fort, or take them sledding instead of another trip to the shopping mall where ravenous appetites are whetted and fed. The personal things are the parts of the holidays that are disappearing in society today. Remember the reason for the season and become the kind of person that you've always wanted to be.

Don't let the doing take over your being. ***

Photo of Karen Beth Pike courtesy of the author