One Card Wonders: My Predictions for 2003

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One Card Wonders: My Predictions for 2003
by J. Edward Tremlett, Columnist

January 6, 2003

First of Two Parts

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett I've often felt that making pointed, social and political predictions was a game for pompous pontificators and smart asses. As I tend to qualify, I figured I'd try my hand at it.

So let this be the first ever rANT Farm Prediction-Fest for the new year. It will be done at the start of the year in question rather than the end of the last, just to be somewhat different. And, next January, if we're all still here, I'll go down through the list and see how I did.

The method is pretty simple: I made a list of people, places and things that were significant - or at least of interest - in the last year, and got a deck of Tarot Cards. I kept the thing in mind, asking "what's coming up for this year" as I shuffled the Cards. And then I pulled out the top card and wrote it down.

This is the "One Card Wonder" method. It doesn't give you the most in-depth reading, or even much depth at all. But it at least gives you a general sense of what's up with the matter in question.

Now, for those of you who are already tuning out and ready to hit the Back button, don't be too down on Tarot Cards. If your experience with Tarot been limited to cheap fumblings on Boardwalk, a bad call-back from Miss Cleo and what you've seen in movies, then you're missing out. In spite of the occult trappings, they're about as magical as a self-help book, but they're ever so much more helpful than that.

You see, the Cards won't tell you the future - not exactly, anyway. What they do is help you make sense of where you're at, where you were and where you want to be. They don't tell you anything that you don't already know, or couldn't guess; They just remind you of what you're trying to ignore, or might have forgotten in favor of other, more immediately pressing distractions. If they "predict" anything, it's only because you decided to cut the crap and attend what really needed doing, or saw things for what they were and acted accordingly.

For those of you familiar enough with the setup, you should keep in mind that the deck I'm using - The Halloween Tarot, by Kipling West - is a little non-standard in its iconography. Wands are Imps, Coins (or Pentacles) are Pumpkins, Cups are Ghosts and Bats are Swords. The iconography of the Major Arcana is also a little different (Frankenstein's Monster for the Emperor, for example) but the basic idea is still there.

So let's begin our little journey through 2003. It's mostly in alphabetical order, but I saved the best two - Bill and Hillary - for last.

America's Economy: King of Ghosts

This isn't a phenomenon so much as it's a person, but the person could be representative of a phenomenon. And given that the King of Ghosts (Cups, if you prefer) is a powerful, responsible man who is known for his generosity, I think that's us. I hope so, anyway.

Look for the economy to start going back up, or else somehow manage to hold itself together in spite of all troubles we have to face. This may be because of the President, or in spite of him, but look for plenty of hands to take the credit either way. We might not be as generous as we could be, though, so don't go buy a new car just yet.

American President George W. Bush: The Devil

*Krrk* "Paging Michael Moore. Come in, Michael Moore."

In this deck, the Devil Card is a cute she-devil in leather leading the enslaved about on short leashes, just like dogs. And it pretty much signifies what it looks like: unethical behavior, temptation and abuse of power. It's not pretty.

So what does this mean? Personally, I like W, even if he can be a goober at times. However, I realize that he's a businessman and has lots of business friends, some of whom might now be wanting a kickback or two. They probably kept their hands to themselves this last year, realizing the obvious (it's the War, stupid).

But now it's time to pay that piper. Let's hope he can just say no.

Caustic Columnist Anne Coulter: Death

I probably just stopped around 60,000 hearts over at Free Republic, but have no fear. Contrary to the iconography of the card, and its usual Hollywood interpretation, Death does not always mean a literal death. Rather, it signifies an abrupt change - which is not always unpleasant - that brings new opportunities.

Given her past disassociations, I'd look for her to lose something major in the coming year. Maybe Frontpage or Fox News dumps her, or maybe she dumps them, over a parting of visions or ways. This gives her a chance to start anew, or break into something else. Personally, I'm hoping for missionary work, or maybe gangsta rap.

China: Three of Bats

Oh, how cute: we have two big bats holding up a valentine heart as a third takes a bite of it around the bottom. That's signifying grief, pain, strife and - you guessed it - betrayal.

This is not going to be a good year for China. Maybe this will be the year that Taiwan finally tells them to get stuffed and throws in its lot with someone else. Maybe this will be the year China decides to rob Taiwan of its weird illusion of being separate from the mainland. Maybe things will get better or worse in Hong Kong. Or maybe the new leadership will get schismatic on the hands who put them into power...?

There's a lot of possibilities, here. China watchers should keep an eye on their target. 2003 is going to be interesting times, in keeping with the old Chinese curse.

The Democrats: The Sun

Okay, now this one is weird. The Sun speaks of happiness and success. Peace of mind. Things of that nature. That wasn't 2002 for the Democratic party, and I don't see how 2003 could be any different, given how they'll be dealing with a Republican House, Senate and White House...

...unless there's some major reverses of fortune in store, that is. When we get to the Republicans' Card, you might see what I mean. We could see some more scandals, defections and other opportunities fall into the party's hands. We could also see them getting their act in gear and going somewhere, too. Who knows?

The European Union: Five of Pumpkins

A kid out trick-or-treating loses his candy on this Card. It speaks of a turning point gone by, and disappointment at the outcome.

I don't think I need to embellish too much on this one. The EU might just go down in history as the biggest disappointment since the League of Nations. It might also get somewhere, too, but not in 2003. This is going to be the year when European nations wake up from the party the night before and realize who they went home with.

The Green Party: Six of Pumpkins

The who? The people you were told were nobodies and nothings? Well, it looks like they're going to get a well deserved reward - one that brings prosperity, too.

Maybe it'll be something approaching equal time so voters can at last see they have a choice besides the mundane, the urbane and the insane. (Republicans, Democrats and Libertarians, respectively). Of course, it might not be your idea of a choice, but with the self-destruction of the Reform Party and the marginalization of everyone else, it might be all we've got left.

Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein: Five of Imps

Five little, red imps with wands are all getting ready to whack one another upside the head, here. This goes with the notion of the card: the generation of conflict, and perhaps rebellion. Betrayal, too, one could say.

A big old "duh" on this one: Saddam is conflict personified for the year. He's also a dead man walking, most likely as of this February if the leaks are true. However, it'll be interesting to see if the other aspects kick in. Does one of his "own" pull the trigger? Do his own people rise up and throw him out at the end of January? Stay tuned...

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon: King of Pumpkins

Now this is one that I didn't expect. The King of Pumpkins (Or Coins, or Pentacles if you prefer) doesn't fit with the utter s^&* that Sharon's been for the last few years. Instead, this King is an experienced, resourceful leader - one who is reliable, steadfast and forceful. Maybe he'd like to claim he is, but recent events have shown otherwise.

So what's all this, then? Is 2003 the year that Sharon actually gets his stuff together and does right by the Israelis? Was he really the Pumpkin King all along, and we just couldn't tell? Or is he due to be replaced by a real Pumpkin King? We're gonna have to stay tuned, here. ***

(To be Continued)

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files