Madonna's new song: "Trash My Whole Career"

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Madonna's new song: "Trash My Whole Career"
by J. Edward Tremlett, Columnist

May 30, 2003

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett Recently, just prior to the release of Madonna's "American Life" CD, online fans were 'treated' to free songs for download at one site. However, once downloaded, the songs turned out to be vulgar diatribes by Madonna: profanity directed against fans who download bootleg songs over the internet, rather than paying for them.

Maybe there was a point there, somewhere, but as with all of the Material Girl's recent career moves, it's backfired badly. The diatribes, rather than being taken seriously, have themselves become songs: (un)amused fans transformed them into dance tunes and spread them around the net for yuks. And, from the sounds of things, these unintended byproducts of Madonna's wrath have turned out to be more original and inspired than her new CD!

Some of us long-time fans wonder about the girl. Sometimes she's got it, and when she does it's just so right and right-on (the 'Ray of Light' CD being a prime example). And sometimes she doesn't, and then nothing she does comes across well.

Unfortunately, that holds for just about everything she's done lately. So far we've got: one lack-luster album, with a terrible remake of an American classic; a "controversial" video that was hardly controversial in this day and age; a less than impressive James Bond theme; a really off cameo in that otherwise-good James Bond Movie; A really, really, really bad movie of her own; an even more disappointing album; and a controversial video that she pulled, rather than run, for fear of it being "misunderstood."

What the hell is going on here? Has marriage and a transatlantic move curdled Madonna's powers, much like Antaeus removed from the soil? Or is she just losing the savvy that brought her as far as she's come?

Your guess is as good as mine. But while we're figuring that out, here's yet another Maim That Tune production...

(Sung to the tune of "Die Another Day")

I'm gonna make a crap album
I'm gonna star in bad movies
I'm gonna cuss out my fan base
I'm gonna trash my career now

I'll trash my whole career X 8

Sigmund Freud
Would have had a
field day with me
(and my husband)

I'm gonna make a bold statement
I'm gonna make it real goofy
I'm gonna pull it - so sorry
I'm gonna trash my career now

I think I need a new image
Where did the last one go?
Oh wait, that's right - I threw it out
Was it that long ago...?

For every stunt, more money comes
I don't care if I look real dumb
I'll reinvent myself again
Just like I did before

I'm gonna question my lifestyle
I'm gonna complain it's empty
I'm gonna rap, too - it's scary
I'm gonna trash my career now

I'll trash my whole career X 4 (interspersed with profanity aimed at
cheap-assed fans)

I think I need a new agent
This one's not working out.
What's that you said? He ran away?
What did he figure out...?

F$%^...

I'll trash my whole career X 4 (interspersed with more profanity aimed at cheap-assed fans)

My whole career X 6 (interspersed with yet more profanity aimed at cheap-assed fans) ***

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files