Files of the Karma Police: Rush Limbaugh

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Files of the Karma Police: Rush Limbaugh
by J. Edward Tremlett, Columnist

October 28, 2003

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett The Karma Police - "What Goes Around Comes Around" They say that the good you do will come back to you three fold, and also the evil.

This statement is true, and for that you have us to thank, or to fear. When what goes around comes around, it may bear your fingerprints but it wears our face. And you may rest assured that it hurts us as much as it hurts you.

We are the few. We are the humble. We are kind stranger who repays your selflessness, the accident that punishes your selfishness. We are the flowers in the dustbin, the hole in the condom, the fly in the ointment.

We are the Karma Police. And these are our stories.

* * *

Thought for the day: "If you don't have anything nice to say, shut the f@#$ up before we do it for you."

* * *

Case #12983476402374932372038721-A, otherwise known as Rush Limbaugh, came to our attention several years ago. As per orders we have concluded our actions against him, at least for now. Further departmental sanctions may be forthcoming, depending on where the Case Subject goes from here.

Rush had accrued a few minor, corrective actions prior to becoming nationally-famous, but these were nothing too serious. Thinking ill of others who had done him no harm, holding grudges, the occasional lie and minor, personal hypocrisy - just the sort of humdrum matters one might foist off on a junior member of the force to deal with.

But then he became famous, and something snapped. In that, he was hardly unique; Every age has its angry poets and blood-heaters, some more memorable than others. It is not necessarily a bad thing to attack the follies and failings of the day in an angry manner, so long as one does not lose sight of the decency one is crusading for. (CF. Case #12983476402374932372003456-F: Jimmy Swaggart)

But what really made Rush's Case stand out was the sheer pomposity of some of his claims, coupled with his talent for mean invective. The latter was never tempered with any real sense of restraint, at least past the sort of restraint mandated by the American FCC. He was not just out to point out the hypocrisies, lies and weaknesses of others - he was out to destroy the people who made them, both socially and politically.

Even that might have been handled with some minor, corrective action. But then he did the one thing that we could not overlook: he used his station to harm an innocent.

On one episode of his short-lived television show, he told the audience that they knew about the White House cat, but did they know about the White House dog? And then he brandished a picture of Chelsea Clinton. People laughed.

Ms. Clinton was only a teenager at the time: hardly to blame for her parents' political and personal decisions. And - on a more personal level - it is difficult to imagine anything as cruel as exposing a young girl to childish ridicule on national television.

This gross and disgusting failure on Limbaugh's part to recognize the difference between political combatant and innocent bystander was what tipped the scale towards extreme sanction. Following a high-level meeting, it was decided to place three long-term sanctions upon him.

* First, he was struck with the Falling Star Treatment. He would be allowed to go so far, and then suffer a steady slide backwards in terms of popularity, poignancy and meaning, to the point where he would eventually fail to be taken seriously.

* Secondly, as he gave pain, so would he receive it: socially and physically. I don't think I need to elaborate here, other than to point to current events.

* And Thirdly, he was to be given a taste of Pure Irony. In spite of having millions of fans, we would make certain that no one actually LISTENED to him, the person. And in spite of having numerous well-wishers and "friends," we saw to it that not a one of them was seen by him to be someone he could confide in. In spite of being one of the most well-known people in America, he would one day be terribly and horribly alone.

After that, we sat back and watched. We did not predict that the greed of his former Housekeeper (Case #12983476402374932372254783-C) would prove to be the deciding factor in this Case's defining moment, but it was. I should not have to elaborate, other than to say that I would not wish such an addiction on anyone. Sometimes this sacred trust can be very painful, indeed.

The lesson here is obvious: Everyone's talent is on loan from God, and He WILL take it back if it's misused.

As to where we go from here, that is entirely up to the Case subject. He could recognize that these misfortunes are the result of his excesses, make amends - especially to young Ms. Clinton - and regain what he's lost. If he works hard, avoids his previous transgressions, and comes to a better understanding of things he may yet truly prosper at his chosen profession. And then we can declare this Case to be closed.

On the other hand, he may completely miss the obvious, blame the messengers for his downfall and come back as vindictive and cruel as ever. In that case our sanctions will continue, and he will have no one but himself to blame.

I sincerely hope that it does not come to that; It would be a shame to have someone with his skills and influence - and potential for good - rotting away in a prison or halfway house. It would be far better for him to return to his microphone a changed man with a more complete heart and sense of place, rather than for him to be yet another fallen, ultimately forgotten loudmouth. (Cf. Case #12983476402374932371925478-X, Morton Downey Jr.)

- Compiled by Agent O, 21/9/2003 ***

"I point my finger of hate at your picture and love you / And love you / The radio is talking / Is it you or me?"

"The Dream Police" - Tubeway Army

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

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Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files