What
President Bush Should Have Said When He Addressed the United Nations
by Robert Yoho, Columnist and Senior Editor
"Eye on Conservatism"
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"As
President of the United States, I want to welcome all of you here today. I am
delighted to have you in the audience.
"Our country has certainly been blessed with enormous wealth. Many of our citizens believe that our status entitles us to share some of that bounty with the world. Apparently, many of you believe the same thing. But our wealth was not merely the result of good fortune. God and capitalism—in that order—made us what we are today. Beyond that, our successes are a direct result of our intelligence, innovation, and just plain hard work. Perhaps you and your people should give it a try yourselves.
"Instead of telling your citizens that the government will provide for your every need, maybe you should tell them that they must to do a few things for themselves. And you need to get the government off their backs, so they can do just that! We need to do a lot more of that here in America.
"Thank you, Kofi Annan, for inviting me today. After all, it is we who keep the lights on in this place. But today, I am pleased to announce some changes.
"No longer will we foot the bill for your international failures! No longer will be tolerate your belligerent demands. No longer will this building be used as a headquarters for law-breakers and a platform for those who would destroy our values and way of life. Freedom of speech is a sacred right for all Americans. You, too, can exercise your liberties here. But if you criticize our country, your freedom of speech will cost you dearly.
"It is the United States of America that gave you the privilege—not the right—to assemble here. You are our guests and you will behave like it, or we will send your butts home! Then we will cut off any foreign aid your government is currently receiving.
"On another matter, our country proudly supports the rights of law-abiding citizens to keep and bear arms. You should be glad that we do! If it weren’t for our ability to shoulder a rifle, then all of you would be speaking German and goose-stepping into this building. That goes double for you wimps and wienies representing the French government.
"Outside this building is a statue of a handgun with the barrel tied in a knot. As I deliver this address, there are workmen removing that statue from our city. Darn shame to waste good steel like that! It will be hauled away, melted down, and made into bombs and missiles. Do any of you have a problem with that? If so, then speak up now! It will make it much easier for us to separate our enemies from our allies.
"We love our guns in America. They helped us to boldly cross a continent. They fed our people. They drove out our enemies. They protect our homes and streets. And they enabled us to take much of the land we own from some of you.
"We are not an empire! We are a freedom loving people. However, do not take this love of freedom for weakness. Usama and Saddam made that mistake. They threatened our country; they attacked our buildings and institutions; they killed our citizens. In return, we hunted them down and killed their friends, conspirators, and offspring. Now they are forced to run for their lives.
"For much too long the United Nations has stood as an antiquated monument to global impotence! The peacekeeping forces of the UN are not only incapable of bringing about a temporary or lasting peace; they are too incompetent to preserve that which has already been won. Moreover, these baby blue berets couldn’t whip the average Girl Scout Brownie troop from my home state.
"No longer will we seek the permission of the UN to fight our own battles or to protect our sovereignty. If you kill or attack any one of us then you will have to fight all of us. We will hunt you down and kill you—no matter where you hide and no matter where you run. There will be no safe harbor anywhere in the world, because we will also kill and destroy those who give you aid and comfort.
"Back where I come from, they have a little saying that they emblazon on their T-shirts and coffee mugs. It says simply, ‘Don’t mess with Texas!’
"From this day forward—or at least as long as I sit in the Oval Office—that will also become the motto of the United States of America.
"Don’t mess with Texas! I like the sound of that.
"Let the word go forth from this building today. Translators, make sure you get this message clear to the ears of the assembled delegates. Don’t mess with Texas! Don’t mess with me! And don’t mess with the good old United States of America!
"You are dismissed!" ***
© 2003 Robert Yoho
COPYRIGHT © 2003 BY THE AMERICAN PARTISAN. All writers retain rights to their work.
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