Look Back in Anger Management: 2003's One Card Wonders

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Look Back in Anger Management:
2003's One Card Wonders
by J. Edward Tremlett, Columnist

January 15, 2004

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett Last year, fascinated by the chutzpah of people who like to try and predict what will happen in any given year, I decided to try my own hand at it. However, I decided to try and give it a go using Tarot cards, rather the standard methods used by such professional prognosticators - namely, pulling the future out of one's ass.

The result was called "One Card Wonders: My Predictions for 2003," which ran at the American Partisan in two parts, HERE, and HERE. And I promised that, provided we were all here in 2004, I'd go through the list and see how well I did.

To save space, I'm not going to reexplain too much of the readings - you can get all that from the original parts of the article. However, I will repeat my comments concerning Tarot Cards: namely, that they have no real power in themselves. All they can do is help you make sense of where you're at, where you were and where you want to be. So they don't tell you anything that you don't already know, couldn't guess or couldn't conceive.

So if they "predict" anything, it's only because you made it happen. Either you were smacked upside the head and decided to get off your ass and make things happen, or else you cut through the crap holding you down and got out of where you were.

(That said, as I've looked over the results, some of them were a wee bit spooky. Maybe I shouldn't discount the Power of The Cards after all...?)

Everyone ready? Here we go...

America's Economy: King of Ghosts. This is a powerful, responsible man known for his generosity, and, based on that, I suspected it would start going up. Well, the recovery hasn't made everyone as happy as they should be - and you can guess why certain sectors aren't too happy - but the economy HAS improved, even if it took most of the year to do it. Score one for the Halloween Tarot.

American President George W. Bush: The Devil. Unethical behavior, temptation and abuse of power? I was looking for at the friends who surround him, but I guess you can also say it depends on Iraq - did he believe there were WMDs there, or was it all a line to sell the world? The jury's still out on this one, though, so we have to call it a maybe.

Caustic Columnist Anne Coulter: Death. An abrupt change - not always unpleasant - that brings new opportunities. The only change I saw was that some of her backers backed away over some of the crazier things from her new book, "Treason," but not for too far, and not for too long. So unless there's something going on at El Rancho del Bitcho that we don't know about, I'd say this is probably a bust.

China: Three of Bats. Grief, pain, strife and betrayal. Well, I don't think China was betrayed by anyone, but recent events have made it seem as though Bush were betraying Taiwan in its moves towards independence. Was this what the card was signifying? Who knows, but since it's Taiwan being betrayed, but maybe China as well, I'm calling it a Maybe. Stay tuned...

The Democrats: The Sun. Happiness, success, peace of mind and things of that nature? Not from where I'm standing. It looks like they're still fighting an uphill battle just to recoup from 2002 - much less 2000 - and given the way the election's going, theirs is clearly a house divided. Yet another bust, and this time it's a clear one.

The European Union: Five of Pumpkins. A turning point gone by, and disappointment at the outcome. Given the squabbling and growing pains, not to mention the other problems that are surmounting as many try to become one, I'd say this is a yes.

The Green Party: Six of Pumpkins. A well deserved reward that brings prosperity. I'm going to have to call this a maybe, because while the Democrats are falling apart over the question of electing a rabid, foot-swallowing nut as President, any benefit the Greens might get would be marginal at best. Maybe, baby. Maybe not.

Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein: Five of Imps. The generation of conflict, and perhaps rebellion, along with betrayal. Looks like we got a winner, here - right up to the betrayal, at the end, by one of Saddam's own family. And thank Goddess for that.

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon: King of Pumpkins. An experienced, resourceful leader who is reliable, steadfast and forceful? Well, he's experienced and resourceful, and he can be forceful when he needs to, but I find him neither reliable nor steadfast - for ANY side of the argument. He makes peace noises, and backs off, and then he makes tough noises, but concedes. Maybe the recent willingness to dismantle settlements will show him growing into the Pumpkin King in 2004, but 2003 wasn't his year to do it in. So, regretfully, no.

North Korean Despot Kim Jong-Il: Ten of Pumpkins. A happy outcome to your current endeavors, complete with rewards and riches. This is, unfortunately, a yes. In spite of being a member of the so-called Axis of Evil, and really having WMDs, Komander Kim sat the year out in the pretty chair, knowing that no one will come after him as long as he can threaten doom on both South Korea and Japan. Regretfully, Yes, this was all too accurate.

Palestinian President Yasser Arafat: Judgment. Waking up and facing the consequences of your actions? Not bloody likely, apparently. We can hope that the new year will bring a long-overdue wakeup call to the head of the PLO, but 2003 remained business as usual in the post 9/11 world for Yasser.

The Raelian Movement: Ace of Ghosts. Great love and happiness, as well as productivity. I haven't heard anything substantial from them, about them or OF them in 2003. The only time they seemed to make the news was in last December, when several people called them on their inability to produce their cloned baby for testing up to a year after they announced they had one. So maybe they're laying low and doing their space alien jesus love-farm thing very well, and in secret this time, or maybe they're drawing jokers out of the DNA deck and unsure of how to spin it around. Call it a maybe, and keep your eyes peeled.

The Republicans: The Hermit. One who searches for the truth all by himself, and considers himself to be self-sufficient. I figured this one was going to be bad news, or not come true, but 2003 turned out to be a GREAT year for the GOP, and the Dems didn't do boo. So maybe, as far as that year went, they had the Hermit that helps rather than the Hermit that holds you back. Call it a right guess for the cards.

War on Terror: Eight of Imps. Great haste and over-eagerness that stops us from truly advancing. Last year, I said "Usama bin Laden will still be unaccounted for, Al-Qaida will still be a serious threat and the Saudis will still have not cleaned house." I had two right out of three - at long last, courtesy of some really stupid moves on Al-Qaida's part, the House of Saud finally got religion.

But as of the War on Terror, itself, I think it can be said that while our victory over Saddam made us safer, it didn't advance our ultimate cause of decreasing the number of terrorists. If anything, we've got a whole new breed out there because of the war, and it gets worse each day we're in town. Sadly, the cards spoke true - let's hope we get a better one the next time around.

And then we have America's sweethearts: Bill and Hillary Clinton, who got the Queen of Imps and the Ten of Pumpkins, respectfully. I thought that maybe this meant that this would be the year they split up. I was wrong, but, while I hate to say it, the cards told of a good year for the both of them, and they got it.

As you'll recall from Kommander Kim, the Ten of Pumpkins promises a happy outcome, along with rewards and riches. That was "Living History," her book, which got Hillary the chance to feed Tucker Carlson his own medicine on TV. It sold VERY well, in fact, and Hillary managed to ride the year out without falling on her face. So there's a yes for her.

And as for Billy, the Queen of Imps is a kind, generous and curious woman. Here I figured he was going to meet Ms. Right at a fund raiser and tell Hillary he wanted out of the dog and pony show. But, unless something went on behind the scenes, it seems that Hillary's success went on to him, since she's been kind enough to not throw him out, and - one supposes - generous enough to share. So there's a yes for him, too.

So, the total is: 8 Correct, 4 Maybes and 4 Wrong. Fifty percent right isn't a bad average for this sort of thing, especially when you consider that half of the ones that were not right COULD be right, after all. On the other hand, they could be wrong. And I could be lying, too.

But what did you think? Was this sort of thing helpful to you, last year, or should this be the first AND last time we use a pack of cards to predict the year to come, here at the rANT Farm?

Drop me a line and let me know - I'm easy either way, and there's so much else to talk about... ***

"Could you help me find my keys? / Or better yet life's meaning? / Are those tarot cards or dialogue cards that you're reading?"

"Sister Psychic" - Smashmouth

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

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Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files