Carpetbagger Keyes

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Carpetbagger Keyes
by J. Edward Tremlett, Columnist

August 17, 2004

"Down On the rANT Farm"

J. Edward Tremlett In one of the most cynical moves I've seen from the GOP in years, noted talk show host - and two-time presidential candidate - Alan Keyes is being fronted as a Senate candidate in the state of Illinois.

The fact that Keyes is a resident of Maryland, and a critic of Senator Clinton's having moved to New York so she could run there, seems to have not deterred him, or his backers. In fact, Keyes said he "certainly wouldn't imitate (Clinton)," but "... by the time I got through the records, I was convinced that somebody had to run against Barack Obama ...I must leave the land of my forefathers in order to defend the land of my spirit, of my conscience and my heart - and I believe that that land is Illinois."

Of course, this is vintage Keyesian bull%^&*: the sort of high-church pabulum one expects from a man who ran for President just to push the Republicans' talking points further to the right. Sort of ironic when you consider he'll be replacing Jack Ryan, who had to bow out of the race when some of the kinkier (alleged) details of his failed marriage came to light.

But why Keyes? He does well with the hard core of the party, and gives hope to non-WASP conservatives who buy into his brand of rhetoric. But for most other folks, being subjected to the man's usual song and dance is a torture akin to multiple root canals. There's enough self-righteousness floating about him to collapse a Gothic cathedral, and not the sort of pony you want to put into play in a race like this.

But "race" is the key word, here. I think it can safely be said that the major reason why Keyes was fronted for this was because he is, like Senator Obama, of African descent. And this is yet another irony, given that Keyes was an avid opponent of sanctions against South Africa during the 80's, when he worked for Ronald Reagan in the State Department.

Yes, you read that right. But read it again, just in case you missed it, and add in your own punchline. And while you're in the mood for a laugh, you can dig even deeper on the man's life, revealing a number of other sleazy and questionable dealings especially when it comes to money.

Put bluntly, the man is damaged goods, and it won't take too long for the seams to split. provided the press decides to jump on him from that angle. And given how heavily they jumped on Ryan over his ex-wife's claims, I expect they will; adding yet another irony, given that Keyes admitted "I'm not going to stand here ... and promise you a victory... I will promise you a battle like this nation has never seen."

Knives out, kids. ***

J. Edward Tremlett is a published author, political thinker and self-described "mean-spirited crank." He lives with his wife and two cats in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

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Photo of J. Edward Tremlett courtesy of staff files
All other images courtesy of the author