Boy, that soft-money crack rock is good!

Boy, that soft-money crack rock is good!
by Mitch Frank

Before I begin this week’s ramblings, I would like to make a quick note. Several readers wrote to me that my column last week was filled with inaccuracies. These inaccuracies were actually differences of opinions, but to make sure everyone knows I'm not making up everything I write, I am doing the following:

1) Anyone who wishes to find out further information about my fact checking apparatus can call me for a tour of the Mitch Frank “Others say, ‘Why Not?’" fact-checking facilities. I have an entire warehouse in Brooklyn where a large staff of rhesus monkeys are checking every single assertion I make, so there will be no question I am telling the truth.

2) I will be including footnotes at the end of my column today so you can see where I got all my information.

Now to this week’s subject: the fact that our US Congress is filled with a bunch of cocaine addicts worse than any alleged Texas Friday night party in 1972. 1

Ok, now before Majority Whip Tom DeLay sics his attack fundraisers on me, let me make clear that I don’t mean our good senators and representatives are addicted to cocaine. They’re just all addicted to money - soft money.

Oh, they cannot help themselves you see. It’s an addiction. Not a day goes by without some large corporation, trade group or union making a sizable donation to any number of election committees or leadership PACs - money that is later funneled into all these politicians’ campaign coffers. And the fact these donors have issues before the House or Senate affecting profit margins has nothing to do with their donations. 2

Yeah, right. 3

The sad fact is until we get our representatives into a treatment program, this country is going to continue losing faith in its elected officials.

Now, let’s talk about the magnitude of this addiction. Look at the way our politicians get their fix. Current election laws forbid individuals or corporations from making donations larger than $1,000 to any candidate. Ah, but both parties have election committees (two in each chamber of Congress) which can receive donations of unlimited size. They have to report these donations, but when was the last time anyone paid any attention to a Federal Election Commission report- Reading one of those is like listening to Henry Kissinger read Horton Hears a Who. 4

Now, no matter how much money the National Republican Senatorial Committee receives, it’s just not enough for some addicts, I mean, senators. So both they and congressmen often set up leadership political action committees (PACs) which can receive unlimited contributions toward things like travel expenses and other miscellaneous costs a congressman normally has to pay out of his campaign fund.

The representative can also give money from his PAC to any of his Capitol Hill-mates for their campaigns. This can help when you are looking for a few extra votes on an important piece of legislative pork. Tom “Spanky” DeLay currently has 3 PACs associated with him, making him a very popular guy at parties and Bar Mitzvahs. 5

So, as you can see, the system makes it far too difficult for our poor addicted representatives to start living the clean life and say goodbye to all that cash. How can we help them?

Well, the problem with soft money is that everyone’s hands are dirty. And it’s going to take some strong soap to wash away the dirt. How strong?

Look at the debate last week on campaign finance reform in the Senate. Now, it took almost a mutiny by many rank and file Republicans in the House to force the GOP House leadership (including Spanky) to allow a vote on the House version of the bill. To prevent something similar in the Senate, Majority Leader Trent Lott allowed Senators John McCain, R-AZ, and Russ Feingold, D-WI, to bring up their bill to ban soft money.

The leading opponent of the McCain-Feingold bill is Senator Mitch McConnell, R-KY, who is obviously Steve Forbes’ long lost illegitimate brother. 7

McConnell spent days attacking McCain in a filibuster where he alleged McCain had been unfair by saying all of the Senate was corrupted by a system that encourages soft money. McConnell kept asking McCain for specific examples of such corruption, hoping McCain would name names and alienate his fellow senators. McCain, however, who talks like a short John Wayne and obviously doesn’t give a hoot what his fellow senators think of him, wasn’t falling for it. But he did need 60 votes to overcome McConnell’s filibuster - and he almost had it.

But then the left side of the aisle took its own shot at the bill. Minority Leader Tom “the only powerful man to ever come out of South Dakota” Daschle, D-SD, and Senator Robert “Loud Bob” Torricelli, D-NJ, proposed an amendment to the bill making it identical to the stronger legislation passed by the House. That stronger legislation had no hope of passing the Senate. The fact that Loud Bob, who happens to be chairman of the National Democratic Senatorial Committee and thus a prime fundraiser, championed the motion suggests that certain Democrats were far more interested in forcing Republicans to kill the bill than making it stronger. 8

Now, why should the average American care if this bill failed? After all, Sen. McConnell felt it was a dangerous move against free speech. The simple fact is McCain is right. All are corrupted by the current system. Many congressmen and senators admit they hate constantly hitting up people for money. They are like desperate addicts in need of a fix. But they don’t dare risk not raising as much money and influence as their colleagues and opponents. Look at how hard Feingold had to fight for reelection when he swore off soft money. He barely won. And several Republican candidates have lost races when they received no soft money from the NRSC, chaired by McConnell, who did not like their views on campaign finance.

The huge influx of soft money has led to a heightened cynicism among voters not seen since Boss Tweed. Voters feel they have little influence over their elected representatives. It seems money determines what legislation gets passed in a congress with a sick you-scratch-my-back, I’ll-scratch-yours mentality.

And soft money has made cash such a goal in campaigns that it has had a profound effect on elections where soft money is not yet even a factor.9

The Republican presidential primaries are four months away. No soft money has gone to any of the candidates. But fundraising has become such an important aspect of campaigning that quite a few respectable candidates have dropped out months before a single vote has been cast.

Elizabeth Dole’s withdrawal last week was made for several reasons. She had not turned out to be the campaigner she thought she was. She did not have a strong vision. But the dominant reason was George W. Bush’s cash vacuum, which has made it impossible for any candidate to compete against him.

Now, I’ve heard many a pundit say if you can’t get people to donate money to you, you don’t have enough appeal to win votes. But that means those who have the money to donate to candidates are determining who is going to win the nomination - not the voters. If I want someone to run a telethon, you can bet I’m going to call “Dubya.” He has proven he can raise money just by showing up and projectile vomiting. He certainly has not done anything exciting since he joined the race.

But if I want to elect the best leader to take America into the next millennium, I don’t want him to be someone who owes a lot of favors to a lot of donors. He should only owe one special interest group - the citizens who cast their votes.

1. Congressional Quarterly

2. FEC Report, 1997

3. Anything E.J. Dionne ever wrote.

4. Not sure about this one. Found it on a cocktail napkin - just like Reaganomics.

5. My bartender Jeff Matthews, at the Thai Village, told me this one.

6. Ibid.

7. What the hell is an ibid any way? Some sort of large wading bird?

8. Et al. And what’s that? The Israeli airline?

9. Ok, I pulled this one out of my ass.

10. The dog next door whispered this one to me.

11. Did I even go up to 11?

12. Spanky DeLay’s a weenie. Do you think he's ever been invited to a Bar Mitzvah?

13. Why would Steve Forbes have a long lost brother? Wouldn’t they have learned after one child?

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