R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
by Julie Foster

Every other Sunday I help out in the sixth grade Sunday school class at my church. Of the 14 to 18 kids there every week, the gender split is just about evenly. Have you ever noticed that girls tend to be more well behaved than boys? Granted, this is in broad strokes, but girls sit more quietly for longer periods of time than boys. They are more likely to legitimately participate in class, as opposed to boys who tend to throw out smart-alec remarks.

In our sixth grade Sunday school class, the public school to private school ratio is about 60% public / 40% private, with a couple home schoolers thrown in. I've found absolutely no distinction between the behavior of the public schoolers private schoolers - that goes for boys and girls. They have about the same attention span. They participate with almost equal frequency (maybe a little more on the private school side). And they have similar insights in our discussions.

I feel compelled to reiterate that I know this is not a textbook scientific sampling for behavior analysis. I have just made some observations that I find interesting and would like to hear what others think about my observations.

After spending several weeks with these pre-teens, I have seen some definite trends. First, and foremost, there is a huge discrepancy in the behavior of the home schooled children as compared to the others. There are two of them, both boys. These fellows are more well-behaved and participate with far more frequency than either the public or private school children. But more importantly, they have far more respect for their teachers.

Webster defines respect this way, "The special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing."

I see this respect manifesting itself in a couple of different ways. First, there is the respect adults have for one another. Second, there is a submissive respect that children should have for adults, and specifically, for their parents. We have lost that distinction. For some reason, children have come to believe that they deserve respect from adults.

Now I realize that children not respecting their elders is nothing new. That's a social phenomenon that has been around since the beginning of civilization. What is new is children's demand for respect from adults. In our Sunday school class, some of the kids will yell out that the teacher is wrong in her statement that they should obey their parents when they are told to wear a jacket outside. For instance, "My mom says that when it's really hot outside! That's just stupid!"

Mild, you say? Perhaps.

But, in a few short years, children with such attitudes who are not kept in check could very easily turn out to be like my young 16 year old friend who believes that I must respect her by allowing her to skip school. She tells me she knows when she needs to be there and when she doesn't. (Incidentally, she attended class 50% of the time last year.)

Children demand freedom. They believe that they know what is best for them. Respect, in their eyes, is allowing them to do just what they want. The minute they are reprimanded for their unwise behavior, they announce that they are being disrespected. I have seen this from first-hand experience.

What I have not yet been able to put my finger on is where kids are learning this. Why is instruction and correction from adults and parents deemed disrespectful by kids? How is it that this attitude has found its way into the psyche of children from "traditional, Christian" families? And what is it in the children who are home schooled that appears to make a difference?

Could it be that the emphasis on self-esteem over academic progress which grew out of the public school system has now found its way into private, Christian schools? Are teachers, or any adults for that matter, giving "respect" to kids when they have not earned it? Why?

I believe part of the problem is that adults are in a popularity contest with kids. We want to be liked by kids. We think that if they like us, they will respect, and, therefore, obey us.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. When we give undue respect to children, they begin to believe they deserve it. Their views and opinions on matters of school, homework, meals should be incorporated into the adults' decisions.

I want answers to these questions. I plan to have kids some day soon, and I don't want to send them to school - any school - that would encourage the kind of attitude I see in my Sunday school class and in my 16 year old friend.

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