The Equality of Pigs

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The Equality of Pigs
by Shelley McKinney

If you have never read George Orwell's barnyard parable of totalitarianism called Animal Farm, go out and buy yourself a copy; try not to be alarmed at how closely the farm is beginning to mirror our own society. In Animal Farm, a new order is established with lots of talk about freedom, but a certain species begins subjugating individual opinion and independent speech to the credo "All pigs are equal, but some pigs are more equal than others." If you are tempted to think that Orwell's gloomy story is nothing more than a fairy tale about a very naughty pig, read on.

I do not consider myself a fan of "Dr. Laura" Schlessinger. While I do admire her never-surrender moral stands, her style is so abrasive and unkind that I find myself involuntarily flinching and twitching as she berates yet another hapless caller for leaving her radio on or for saying "I'm a first-time caller." I had never really expected to align myself completely with her, but lately a situation has arisen that would have me carrying a placard in her support in front of Paramount's television studios if it weren't for the several thousand miles between me and Hollywood.

Paramount Domestic Television and Laura Schlessinger have negotiated a television show with a one hour, talk-type format; an agreement was made and the new show will be aired in September. Everything went well for about five seconds after the agreement, until a howl of rage tore through the night as the homosexual activists learned that their perceived arch-enemy was moving to the small screen. Their screams were even louder when the consumer products corporation Procter & Gamble signed on as a sponsor of the show.

The members of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) swung into immediate action to prove that they are pigs...you know, the Orwellian kind (What? You thought I meant something else? Shame on you.) A GLAAD press release from early May stated "If Procter & Gamble has bought this show, then they've bought trouble." GLAAD executive director Joan M. Garry, adds: "We are all working towards the same end -- to ensure that Dr. Laura does not spew her homophobic rhetoric to a television audience and that media professionals are held accountable for portraying the reality of our lives."

Well, first of all, "homophobic" is a word that homosexual activists love to toss around. What they brand "homophobic," most of us less agendized people call "a difference of opinion about the moral issue." But most homosexual activists are completely bigoted and intolerant when it comes to other people's right to their own beliefs: to the activists, "tolerance" doesn't mean that we'll all just agree to disagree. No, their definition means something much more akin to the complete acceptance of a lifestyle that many of us find to be morally wrong: advocacy groups like GLAAD aren't going to be happy until we're all out there skipping through meadows with one another carolling, "I affirm you! I affirm you!" while flinging daisy petals into the air. Secondly, isn't this just the rankest form of censorship, to demand that a show be cancelled and that a sponsorship agreement be rescinded before the show even airs? Censoring, you know, is that intolerant action that concerned citizens are never allowed to take concerning, say, the purveyors of pornography.

GLAAD held a meeting with Paramount officials in April to throw down the gauntlet. "In this first meeting...GLAAD was adamant that Dr. Laura's opinions not be unopposed on this show," writes Garry. The brazen determination of these people to shut down any opposition for the homosexual lifestyle renders me nearly apoplectic. Why in the world should Dr. Laura have someone there to oppose her "defamatory" views on her own show? I'm a free-lancer: how 'bout if I start writing a weekly column opposing the views of strident homosexual activists to post on GLAAD's website? In spite of the fact that Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker has been gelded, we're still allowed to have differences of opinion on any subject under the sun, even if other people find our opinions rude or tasteless. There have been many times when conservative groups have looked askance on certain envelope-pushing television or radio shows (concern over Howard Stern's crass radio show springs to mind), and it seems that those groups are always told "if you don't like it, don't watch it...don't listen to it."

We do have a right to free speech, don't we?

In regards to Procter & Gamble sponsorship of the program, Joan Garry writes: "It is important that Procter & Gamble, as the first national corporation to purchase ads on this show, be informed of Schlessinger's relentless campaign against our community and the potential damage to their corporate image...It's truly unfortunate that a company thought by many to be very gay-friendly would embrace an entertainment personality who forcefully advocates an agenda that denies us basic civil rights."

Well, Procter & Gamble succumbed on May 16 amid a deafening chorus of oinks. "There has been controversy surrounding Dr. Laura on a number of topics. We've chosen not to be involved with a show that will require time and resources to deal with this kind of controversy," their press release read. This, even though Procter & Gamble realizes that "the focus of the show is intended to be responsible parenting."

Laura Schlessinger, as an Orthodox Jew, could hardly be expected to flout the teaching of her religion that homosexual sex is an abomination to God. She also holds a Ph.D in physiology (that's where the honorific "Dr." comes from) which could also explain why she believes the way she does. In December 1999, Schlessinger made this statement on her radio show: "If you're gay or a lesbian, it's a biological error that inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex. The fact that you are intelligent, creative, and valuable is all true. The error is in your inability to relate sexually, intimately...to a member of the opposite sex." To many, his statement makes a lot of sense, given the importance of reproductive ability. Yet this statement was likened by some activists as being the equal of John Rocker's remark that he wouldn't want to sit next to "a queer with AIDS" on a subway! Procter & Gamble is glad to be out of it.

But as it turns out, they aren't. A grass-roots movement has sprung up, with people writing letters in support of Paramount Television and decrying the cravenness of Procter & Gamble. (By the way, this would be a good time to add that P & G is a sponsor of the Fox television show Ally McBeal, which has featured both male-male and female-female kissing scenes. It also sponsors several other shows of dubious moral value, such as NBC's Friends, and That 70's Show, which also airs on Fox.) I myself wrote a letter to Procter & Gamble, questioning their decision on this matter, and stating that I could find no compelling reason to continue buying their products if their decision held, since I am such a boring little stickler for that nutty First Amendment.

I received this reply: "We do not oppose or endorse Dr. Laura Schlessinger or her broad range of opinions. We're not trying to censor her or keep her off the air. We're simply seeking a positive, non-controversial environment in which to advertise our brands."

This merde, from the company which apparently saw nothing controversial in two women engaging in open-mouth kissing in that eyebrow-raising episode of Ally McBeal. According to the watchdogs at the Family Research Council, P & G also sponsors Law & Order (NBC), which hinted strongly in an episode that aired on January 14, 2000, that Christians are responsible for homosexuals being murdered! Oh, no! That's not controversial, bigoted, or intolerant at all. One could understand why these shows are seen as worthy, yet Laura Schlessinger's show -- focused on parenting -- is just too darn edgy. This, from a corporation which has never even seen ONE episode of "Dr. Laura's" show, according to executives at Paramount television. I would have appreciated an honest answer from them, such as 'We'd rather keep in good with our homosexual activist friends.'

Which is just another way of saying, "We at Procter & Gamble think that all pigs are equal, but some pigs are more equal than others."