Assorted Assertions

Assorted Assertions
by Dave Munger

It'd be cool if WNBA players all wore those shoes that look like a pump, feel like a sneaker. Catholic school uniforms wouldn't hurt either.

Moses brought us instructions on how to impose order on a society; in a word: Kill. Jesus brought us instructions on how to live an individual life.

Why must epithelial tissue be constantly referred to as "mucous membranes"? Is everyone trying to ruin them for me by making it sound disgusting?

The institution of marriage proceeds and supersedes the institution of the state. The state is dependent on marriage, not the other way around. Marriage is a fact of nature, only superficially different from pair bonding among many birds and some mammals. The state has a duty to recognize facts of nature, such as the value of pi (which in some states is said to be statutorily equal to four), and the self-evident truths referred to in the Declaration of Independence. It does not have the Stalinistic ability to alter facts of nature to make of itself a beloved god.

People who call themselves "Pro-Choice" show no concern for women and girls who are coerced into having abortions.

Every political majority is a numerical minority. During the Revolution, most Americans didn't take a side, they just stuck to their farming. If they had all chosen to fight, Washington would have starved to death. Similarly, most Americans choose not to vote in most elections. If they did, then the results of elections would only measure numbers, like polls do. They would not then serve as a measure of degree of interest, intensity of passion, or willingness to have people killed in one's name.

I am not a homophobe, I am a heterosexist. There is little overlap between the two groups. A homophobe has an irrational violent reaction to homosexuals of the same sex as the homophobe, theoretically caused by the homophobe's own repressed latent homosexuality. A heterosexist believes consciously that heterosexuality is better than homosexuality. Heterosexists are on the whole a more literate group, and true homophobes are seldom noteworthy Biblical scholars.

Pornography and feminism are philosophically identical. They are different forms of vagina worship.

I was playing Monopoly with some friends recently, and I noticed that the game is implicitly Marxist, or at least anti-Capitalist. My friends seemed to think I was just a sore loser, but consider how the game misrepresents Capitalism. It is portrayed as a zero-sum game in which wealth can only be redistributed, never created. You can't use your money to build more railroads. The bank can't print more money as it becomes necessary. Monopolies of course ensue, proliferate to their logical limits, and cannibalize one another, a la Marx. The inevitable outcome of the game is that one party owns everything and all the others own nothing. If actual Capitalism worked this way, history would continue after the game was over. The losers wouldn't just vanish, they would be compelled to kill the winner or otherwise forcibly redistribute the property he had accumulated. I didn't go that far at the time, for fear that it would be taken as a threat.

If you think that you are an optimist, then you are a pessimist.

If your personal therapist tells you that people are responsible for their own feelings, he's doing his job of facilitating the process of taking responsibility for yourself in general that you began when you decided to get therapy. If anyone else ever tells you this, they are taking therapists out of context to use the phrase as an Oprahistic mantra to excuse something that they want to do that might hurt someone else's feelings. Shove them to the ground, pin them down, and defecate on them. If they don't like it, that's their own fault. Women in particular who resort to this rationalization tend to be disloyal sociopathic sluts, who need to get back on their meds and sue their incompetent therapists. (Don't worry, she'll never read this, she has no modem).

You will die.

If I were Patricia Ireland, I would lobby for shorter sentences for rapists. Feminism as an organized political movement is dependent on womankind supposedly sharing some common set of grievances that can be addressed by legislative action. Now that those squwooshie people can vote, and they are paid the same as men (unless you play with the numbers), that pretty much leaves N.O.W. with violent crimes committed against women, by men. The problem with rapists is that they constitute a very small, fairly constant proportion of the population. The only way to get large numbers of women raped (so they'll become useful), is to keep releasing the same perpetrators to do it over and over again. Come to think of it, this policy could present PR problems. Better to just support leftist office seekers who appoint lenient judges. I guess they already do that, never mind.