An Evening with Junior

An Evening with Junior
by Robert Yoho

I am a political partisan; I admit it proudly. Despite that fact, I did my best to remain objective about the outcome of the presidential debates. No doubt the following will make many of you think I failed.

Figuring that he had lost some of his post "kiss" momentum, Albert Gore Jr. entered the stage and blew a kiss to somebody in the crowd. Seeing that it wasn't Bill Clinton, I assume the kiss was aimed at Tipper. So much was made out of Jr's kiss at the convention, I expected him to take Jim Lehrer in his arms, and give him the smooch of his life just to prove he was still a regular guy.

Do you remember your days sitting in elementary school with the class know-it-all? We all went to school with some kid who raised his hand on every question. He always came to school with an apple for the teacher. When the teacher asked a question, he grunted, sighed, bounced in his seat, and made funny noises as the other pupils answered. After they were done, he proceeded to expand on their answers and display his vast and overwhelming command of the subject. Now, in your mind, I want you to picture that childhood know-it-all on amphetamines. That was the Al Gore of the debates.

Jr. constantly sighed into the microphone while Bush was answering. Gore paced, he preened, he made funny faces. On every question, Jr. tried to have the last word. The vice president certainly wasn't likable! Further, he didn't appear knowledgeable as much as he appeared maniacal and childish.

And then we had the patented Gore prevarications. He told us how 15-year-old Kailey Ellis of Sarasota High had to stand outside her classroom in Florida. Like so many of Gore's stories, the accounts did not hold up to closer scrutiny. And only the most skeptical would suggest that his criticism of Florida education had anything to do with the fact that the state is governed by another Bush brother, Jeb.

Jr. also took some liberties with the truth when he said that he also visited the fire damaged areas of Texas with an official of FEMA.

I doubt that anybody's party affiliation was changed by what was said during the debates. I also doubt that the undecideds were persuaded by anything that was said in the debate, because the very same lack of knowledge that places them in the ranks of the undecideds also renders them unable to come to a logical decision. It is certainly much too late in the presidential race to assign a lofty, intellectually-pure status to the decisionally challenged.

For the past month, I have heard the pundits say that the first debate was a make-or-break opportunity for the candidates. These so-called political experts told us that Gore was the greatest debater who ever lived, because he defeated Bill Bradley and Ross Perot, one of them apparently at a loss for words, the other apparently at a loss of sanity. It was said that Gore was already knowledgeable on the issues, but he had to appear likable; they said Bush was already likable, but he had to appear knowledgeable.

If that was the scorecard by which they judged the debate, then Bush clearly won!

Despite a brief hesitancy on some questions, Bush displayed a reasonable command of the issues. He showed some passion over his point of view. He was pleasant and cordial. The governor was optimistic and visionary. He challenged his opponent on the issues without being overbearing. In short, the man was presidential!

George W. Bush was twice elected governor of a state. Texas is not only a big state; it is an entire region. If Texas was its own country, then the Lone Star state would be one of the world's largest economies. No matter what Gore might say, there is no question that Bush's qualifications are clearly equal to those of the vice president.

An evening with Junior has convinced me that America doesn't need a spoiled, impudent brat in the White House. And that is what we would be getting with Gore. The man should not be given our highest elective office; Jr. should be soundly spanked and sent off to bed without any supper.

After nearly eight years of Risky Business--the fibs, lies, half truths, no truths, and no controlling legal authorities--isn't it time we put some grownups back at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?